I'm going to try to keep this short.  It is 12:45 am and I have just, 3rd time this weekend, shut the door after saying thanks to the paramedics for picking my mom up off the floor.  She is 76, 375 lbs and has copd, congestive heart failure, anexity and DEPRESSION.  This is the biggest issue of all.  NOTHING is ever positive with her.  We built an addition onto her house 2 years ago, so we could move in and take care of her.  Just a little more...my daughter has spina bifida, parapalegic, son is ADD/ depression, and hubby has atrophy of the frontal lobe and depression.  ME?? I'm just breaking down physically with high bp..medically controlled.  ok now ....where do I call for help??? She needs more help than I can give.   I am fighting right now the state to keep her on medi-cal so she can qualify for IHSS and the aide that she has during the day while i work.  But she, over the last 2 weeks has begun to get worse about her legs giving out.  Oh, yea....forgot to say she has edema too.  The swelling and blistering of the legs.  She is scared, and even though I dont show it to her..so am I.  Any suggestions???

I am sorry for everything that you are going through.  Taking care of someone that has so many issues is a hard hard thing.  I took care of my 101 year old grandfather for the past several years until he passed away this past winter.   First, remember you have to take care of yourself, because you will be useless to her and your family, I know that it is hard when time constraints and wanting to help everyone else comes into play, but you have to do it.  It sounds like everyone in your family is dealing with alot - and depression - talk to your doctors about what you can do, whether it is medication therapy or counseling (individually or as a family) or both - you might really realize that it helps.  You might have to try a couple of different therapists to find one you like.  Talk to your doctor to see what help is out there  - if you belong to any groups or church - see if someone there can help out with the care.  It might be time to place your mom somewhere, that is a tough decision too, but perhaps a case worker can help.  In dealing with my grandfather's care - the last few months, we dealt with hospice - so when that time comes, they are a tremendous resource.  Medicare pays for everything - any equipment and medication should you wish to keep her at  home, they have aides, and nurses on call at all hours who will come out to the house.  I would see if your community or town has any resources available or at least information to point you in the right direction.

My thoughts are with you and  your family...I hope my two cents helps...

Sandy,

I just saw your call for help.  Have you found any help?  Is the situation any better?  Your situation with your family is very demanding plus the work you do with special needs children all day. Please let me know if you have gotten any help?

Thanks Margaret, you made me realize I haven't posted an update.  My mom passed Nov. 9, 2009.  We had her here at home until her last breath.  We had hospice helping...not much... but they did their best.  When I challenged them on her "care"... they stated.."she suprised us too"  I heard wheezing, called respite nurse, she came and said it was nasal not in the lungs.  The next day, after feeding her, I walked back into the room with her pain meds and she was gone.  Very peaceful.  She is now with dad and my grand parents.   I miss her terribly, but greatful that I could give her the care and support she needed.  I am also greatful for the wonderful hospice nurse she had, who was here within 10 mins of me calling her to tell her mom was gone.  She took care of everything that had not be pre determined.