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This is How it Always Is
This is How it Always Is
Author: Laurie Frankel
This is how a family keeps a secret…and how that secret ends up keeping them. — This is how a family lives happily ever after…until happily ever after becomes complicated. — This is how children change…and then change the world. — This is Claude. He’s five years old, the youngest ...  more »
ISBN-13: 9781250088550
ISBN-10: 1250088550
Publication Date: 1/24/2017
Pages: 336
Rating:
  • Currently 4.1/5 Stars.
 19

4.1 stars, based on 19 ratings
Publisher: Flatiron Books
Book Type: Hardcover
Other Versions: Audio CD
Members Wishing: 55
Reviews: Member | Amazon | Write a Review

Top Member Book Reviews

khami6cr avatar reviewed This is How it Always Is on + 124 more book reviews
Helpful Score: 4
Rosie and Penn are a bit of an amazing love story. They both knew they'd fall in love before they even met. Now they have five rambunctious kids, a farmhouse in Wisconsin, and a crazy, wonderful life. Things get a little more complicated, however, when their youngest son, Claude, starts wanting to wear a dress to preschool. Claude wants long hair with barrettes. Claude wants to be a princess when he grows up. Rosie and Penn are supportive of Claude: they just want their children to be happy, after all. But they soon realize Claude isn't just going through a phase. Claude has gender dysphoria, and their son wants to become a little girl named Poppy. The family is willing to support Poppy, but Rosie and Penn make the decision to do so in secret. But secrets don't stay kept forever.

This is a fascinating, heartbreaking, and beautiful book. It's filled with endearing characters, and I will certainly be recommending it to many people. I had a few issues with some of the realism aspects (more on that below), but I loved its details about raising children (of all kinds) and its humor. Penn, Rosie, and their kids are real.

Woven and embedded throughout this novel is a fairytale that Penn tells his children--starting with when his first boys were babies--and in some ways, the novel itself has its own fairytale moments. Frankel mentions that she does have a child who used to be a little boy and is now a little girl, but the story is not about her daughter. It is, she writes, "an act of imagination, an exercise in wish fulfillment." Still, you can imagine her as a supportive parent. That's certainly not everyone's experience. Does that mean everyone has to write a novel where the child's parents throw them out and society shames them? No. Would I have liked to have a seen a little more of a realistic take on how Poppy and her parents would deal with her secret and how those around her would take it? Maybe. It's not that the family doesn't have hardship, because they do, and Frankel does a good job showing that it takes a bit of a toll on her clan of brothers, as well. But--and I don't want to go into too much, as I don't want to give spoilers--I felt the resolution to the story was a bit pat. Much like Penn's fairytales, it seems to allow things to just wrap up quickly easily. So that was a little problematic for me. But, I didn't feel as irritated after reading Frankel's afterword, because I realize that this novel--for her--is indeed an "exercise in wish fulfillment." This is what she wants in the world. I won't lie: it's what I wish for as well. And perhaps reading novels like this, featuring a wonderful, precocious little boy who can become a wonderful, beautiful, mostly accepted little girl, is a great first step.

The novel is intricate and very detailed, though quite well-written. It's heartbreaking in Penn and Rosie's realization that Claude wants to be a girl and what that will mean for him and the family. They only want for their children to be happy. Frankel does an excellent job at portraying how adults and children can see the world so differently--in terms of gender and much more. As a parent, I often found myself wondering about what I'd do in their situation: it's a book that gets you thinking, for sure. In the end, I loved the family very much and was quite invested in their happiness. Again, another reason why I would have liked a slightly more developed ending after having gone through so much with them.

Still, this is a lovely, timely book. No matter some of the issues I had, I still enjoyed it and certainly recommend it. More at http://justacatandabookatherside.blogspot.com
debbiemd avatar reviewed This is How it Always Is on
Helpful Score: 1
Beautiful story of love. The love a parent has for a child. Even when they are different and have battles to face in the world. A book of fairy tales and secrets. Well written with a subtle lesson for all of us to remember to be accepting and not fearful and to not let our fear of things that are different make us ungracious or unloving. Claude is the youngest of 5 boys born to his parents Penn and Rosie. But he wants to wear dresses when he is 5. He wants to be a she. And so his family is accepting and permissive and begins the journey with Claude/Poppy of gender dysmorphia. They move to Seattle where no one knows Poppy used to be Claude and Poppy becomes strong, fierce, and funny with a group of close girl friends. But no one knows she is really a he. Until the secret comes out in 5th grade. And then the fallout and how Claude/Poppy and the family figure out how to rise to the top again. I cried in parts. It is tender and fierce and loving.
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