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You'll Lose the Baby Weight: (And Other Lies about Pregnancy and Childbirth)
You'll Lose the Baby Weight - And Other Lies about Pregnancy and Childbirth Author:Dawn Meehan You'll Lose the Baby Weight is a humorous look at pregnancy and childbirth. The author shares the parts about pregnancy that your doctor doesn't talk about, like when you're five months pregnant and you need a full bladder for your ultrasound, drinking thirty-two ounces of water is the same thing as fifty-five gallons. She shares stories ... more »from her own six pregnancies and births and those of her friends as well. Dawn cues readers into the important things they need to know, like how they should order their epidural as soon as they see a pink line on the pregnancy test, and she tells the truth about the fact that they will never again sleep through the night uninterrupted. This book even offers advice for fathers-to-be, including a list of things not to do in the delivery room if they don't want a bedpan thrown at their heads.With such chapters as "I'm Not a Doctor; I Just Play One on TV" and "Morning Sickness: It Isn't Just for Breakfast Anymore," this hilarious book takes readers through nine months of pregnancy and all the accompanying symptoms to labor and delivery and the weeks postpartum. It will have readers doubled over in laughter, trying not to wet their pants because, let's face it, pregnant women have weak bladder control.Chapter One I'm Not a Doctor; I Just Play One on TVChapter Two So You Want to Start a Family ? Am I Pregnant or is Aunt Flo Knocking? ? It Only Takes Six (Or More) Tests ? Start Spreading the NewsChapter Three Testing One, Two, Three ? Let the Embarrassment Fun Begin ? Baby's First Picture ? Just Pee In Near This Cup ? Just Drink This Sugar ? The Test with the Four Foot Needle ? The Non-Stress Test (Really, it Isn't Stressful) ? The “Do You Weigh More Than an Elephant” Test ? Pump it UpChapter Four In the Beginning (Month One) ? It Was Easier Finding a Husband! ? When You're Old “At an Advanced Maternal Age” ? Save the Alcohol for When Baby's a Toddler ? Honey, Get the Cat Box ? I Think We Need to Hire a Housekeeper ? The Dreaded “D” Word ? Must. Have. Coffee. ? You're Pregnant Again? ? Achoo!Chapter Five Moving Right Along (Month Two) ? I'm So Tiredzzzzzzz ? Morning Sickness: It Isn't Just for Breakfast Anymore ? Tinkle Tinkle Little Star ? Feel the Burn ? The Dolly Parton SyndromeChapter Six Almost Done Throwing Up (Month Three) ? Woosh Woosh Woosh Woosh ? Is That a Road Map on Your Legs? ? You Just Glow ? When You Just Can't “Go” ? Are You Pregnant or Have You Just Gained a Few Pounds?Chapter Seven Entering the Second Trimester! (Month Four) ? Baby Brain ? You Know What You Need to Do ? Indigestion, Gas Bubble, or (Gasp!) Baby? ? Counting Sheep ? Looking StylishChapter Eight Halfway There! (Month Five) ? Ow, My Aching Back! ? Exercise ? Just Say No ? Baby's First ConcertChapter Nine Feeling Fine (Month Six) ? Hand Numbness ? Have a Baby, Lose a Tooth ? Battle Scars ? Gee Your Hair Looks Terrific ? Bleeding Noses and Gums ? You Mean, All I Have to Do Is Breathe?Chapter Ten In the Home Stretch (Month Seven) ? My Feet Are the Size of The Grand Canyon (and could hold as much water too) ? Can Someone Turn on the Air Conditioning Already? ? Such a Pain in My Butt ? Kickboxing 101Chapter Eleven Almost There (Month Eight) ? I Can't Breathe ? Is That a Contraction or Are You Just Happy to Tease Me? ? Presentation ? Peeing Your Pants ? Nesting Chapter Twelve The End is in Sight! (Month Nine) ? Lightening ? What to Take to the Hospital ? License and Registration Please ? You're STILL Pregnant??? ? How to Go Into LaborChapter Thirteen The Big Day ? The Phases of Labor ? How Will You Know if You're in Labor? ? Water Breaking ? Give Me Drugs! ? Induction ? Episiotomies ? Cesarean Sections ? Monitoring ? For Fathers ? What NOT to Do in the Delivery RoomChapter Fourteen And You Thought the Hard Part Was Over ? The Best Way to Lose 10 Pounds ? And the Moment You've All Been Waiting For? ? It's a Gusher! ? Breastfeeding ? Afterpains ? Recovering From an Episiotomy ? Tiredness ? Sweating ? Hair Loss ? Losing Weight ? Ready For Another One?Chapter Fifteen The End It's Just the Beginning« less
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