This is by far the best relationship book out there. Forget men in caves and women from other planets. That stuff is ridiculous. This book does not stereotype and genderize. It recognizes some behaviors are gender specific, but it is not about segregating men and and women. It is about recognizing the things that tear apart a marriage (or any other long term relationship) and what you can do to keep them from doing so. For example, arguing is not a marriage breaker. However, when critisim and defensivness creep into an argument, then it is destructive. This book shows you how to keep those things from appearing and thus breaking your relationship. I hate self help books. It took me a year to skim this one after I received it at my wedding. However, once I started I realized how simple and obvious those things that that hurt a marriage are. It makes a lot of sense. Highly recommended.

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John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years. Here is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Packed with practical questionnaire and exercises (even games!), The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.

This book is not just for married couples. Any of the material can be applied towards couples in general.

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Detailed plan for getting your marriage back on track. Was a New York Times best seller.

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I've read a lot of marriage self-help books though I am in a great marriage. I think it's possible to learn new ways to improve an already good marriage. Gottman's Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work is probably the best marriage improvement book I've read. It's very clear, straightforward and easy to understand.

Gottman turns upside down some of the conventionally accepted ideas for what makes a marriage work. For example, couples in happy marriages fight and sometimes very loudly and fiercely. Communication isn't necessarily what keeps a couple in a marriage; emotional connection is. Couples in happy marriages have strategies they use, perhaps not even realizing it, to defuse a tense situation that couples in troubled marriages don't. Couples in happy marriages have a strong friendship with each other underlying their marriage so when the other makes a negative comment or does something that seems like a criticism, there's already such a bank of good feelings towards the other spouse that buffers that action whereas couples in troubled marriages aren't each other's friends so comments are nearly always taken the wrong way and given a negative meaning since there's no buffer of goodwill between them. Couples in good marriages have their neurotic tendencies. They aren't perfectly emotionally balanced. Gottman also says it's ok to have your neuroses, you just have to find someone who is a good match for your issues. So if you have abandonment issues because your father left your mother, you shouldn't end up marrying a man who while faithful to you is very extroverted and likes to flirt with women at parties. If you do, you'll constantly be on edge in the relationship. Marry someone who gets your issues and is ok with them.

He uses real life examples, real life fights between couples to illustrate his points. He uses scientific data gained from his marriage lab (where he and his grad student staff observe married couples) instead of winging it with his own opinions as so many marriage therapists do. I especially liked the section on the Four Horseman of the Relationship Apocalpyse - criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

The advice in this book is invaluable. I might give this to my nieces and nephews when they get married. Too bad in our society people so much time planning their wedding and honeymoon and not enough on how to make a marriage work."

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This book discusses how Dr Gottman structured some of the most amazing longitudinal research on marriages. I just finished a family development course that referenced his "horsemen."
He gives very specific examples of the danger signs that indicate the end of a marriage.
This is a must read, add it to your wish list, especially if you are married or work with couples.

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I've read a lot of marriage self-help books though I am in a great marriage. I think it's possible to learn new ways to improve an already good marriage. Gottman's Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work is probably the best marriage improvement book I've read. It's very clear, straightforward and easy to understand.

Gottman turns upside down some of the conventionally accepted ideas for what makes a marriage work. For example, couples in happy marriages fight and sometimes very loudly and fiercely. Communication isn't necessarily what keeps a couple in a marriage; emotional connection is. Couples in happy marriages have strategies they use, perhaps not even realizing it, to defuse a tense situation that couples in troubled marriages don't. Couples in happy marriages have a strong friendship with each other underlying their marriage so when the other makes a negative comment or does something that seems like a criticism, there's already such a bank of good feelings towards the other spouse that buffers that action whereas couples in troubled marriages aren't each other's friends so comments are nearly always taken the wrong way and given a negative meaning since there's no buffer of goodwill between them. Couples in good marriages have their neurotic tendencies. They aren't perfectly emotionally balanced. Gottman also says it's ok to have your neuroses, you just have to find someone who is a good match for your issues. So if you have abandonment issues because your father left your mother, you shouldn't end up marrying a man who while faithful to you is very extroverted and likes to flirt with women at parties. If you do, you'll constantly be on edge in the relationship. Marry someone who gets your issues and is ok with them.

He uses real life examples, real life fights between couples to illustrate his points. He uses scientific data gained from his marriage lab (where he and his grad student staff observe married couples) instead of winging it with his own opinions as so many marriage therapists do. I especially liked the section on the Four Horseman of the Relationship Apocalpyse - criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

The advice in this book is invaluable. I might give this to my nieces and nephews when they get married. Too bad in our society people so much time planning their wedding and honeymoon and not enough on how to make a marriage work."

Share/Like this Review?

I've read a lot of marriage self-help books though I am in a great marriage. I think it's possible to learn new ways to improve an already good marriage. Gottman's Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work is probably the best marriage improvement book I've read. It's very clear, straightforward and easy to understand.

Gottman turns upside down some of the conventionally accepted ideas for what makes a marriage work. For example, couples in happy marriages fight and sometimes very loudly and fiercely. Communication isn't necessarily what keeps a couple in a marriage; emotional connection is. Couples in happy marriages have strategies they use, perhaps not even realizing it, to defuse a tense situation that couples in troubled marriages don't. Couples in happy marriages have a strong friendship with each other underlying their marriage so when the other makes a negative comment or does something that seems like a criticism, there's already such a bank of good feelings towards the other spouse that buffers that action whereas couples in troubled marriages aren't each other's friends so comments are nearly always taken the wrong way and given a negative meaning since there's no buffer of goodwill between them. Couples in good marriages have their neurotic tendencies. They aren't perfectly emotionally balanced. Gottman also says it's ok to have your neuroses, you just have to find someone who is a good match for your issues. So if you have abandonment issues because your father left your mother, you shouldn't end up marrying a man who while faithful to you is very extroverted and likes to flirt with women at parties. If you do, you'll constantly be on edge in the relationship. Marry someone who gets your issues and is ok with them.

He uses real life examples, real life fights between couples to illustrate his points. He uses scientific data gained from his marriage lab (where he and his grad student staff observe married couples) instead of winging it with his own opinions as so many marriage therapists do. I especially liked the section on the Four Horseman of the Relationship Apocalpyse - criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

The advice in this book is invaluable. I might give this to my nieces and nephews when they get married. Too bad in our society people so much time planning their wedding and honeymoon and not enough on how to make a marriage work."

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