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Don't Vote It Just Encourages the Bastards
Don't Vote It Just Encourages the Bastards Author:P. J. O'Rourke Put the country's big, fat political ass on a diet. Lose that drooping deficit. Slim those spreading entitlement programs. Firm up that flabby pair of butt cheeks which are the Senate and the House. Having had a lot of fun with what politicians do, P.J. O'Rourke now has a lot of fun with what we should think about those politicians. Nothing good... more », to be sure.
Best-selling humorist P.J. O?Rourke is back with his latest political masterpiece, DON'T VOTE IT JUST ENCOURAGES THE BASTARDS. Using his signature wit and keen observational skills, O?Rourke reflects on his forty year career as a political commentator, spanning his addlepated hippie youth to his current state of right-wing grouch maturity. Proclaiming his political stance as to the right of Rush Limbaugh, O?Rourke explores ideas ranging from why Americans love freedom and our founding fathers? unique perspective on the pursuit of happiness to the modern application of the Bill of Rights, an odd document of which Americans are inordinately proud, that guarantees our rights to Twitter, kvetch, and prevent the Pentagon from sending Marines to sleep on our fold-out couches. Far from a your high school textbook?s survey of United States history, DON'T VOTE takes a hysterically sharp look at some of the most important issues Americans face today.
O'Rourke explores the basis of our democracy -- the power, freedom, and responsibility that are the "Kill, F@#%, Marry" of liberty and self-rule. O'Rourke favors -- reluctantly, he admits -- responsibility. He goes on to examine the hilarious irresponsibility of America's political establishment on every issue, from the woes of nation-building to the woes of letting the same brilliant politicians rebuild the American automobile industry. Why, he asks, was the healthcare reform debate framed in terms of health insurance? ("When your house is on fire, do you call Allstate or 911?") What was the point of No Child Left Behind? ("What if they deserve to be left behind? What if they deserve a smack on the behind? A national testing program to test whether kids are... what? Stupid? I've got kids. Kids are stupid.")
Instead of starting with deep political thinkers of yore such as Hume, Locke, and John Stuart Mill, in his new book DON'T VOTE -- It Just Encourages the Bastards, O'Rourke states with a party game that comes to us from late night giggle sessions in all-girls boarding schools: "Kill, F@#%, Marry." Pick three men -- or, in O'Rourke's version, three political ideologies, i.e., Democrat, Republican, and Independents (a.k.a. Confused). Then you have to choose which to terminate with extreme prejudice, which to go for a roll in the hay with, and which to settle down with permanently for a boring life in the suburbs.This astute tool of political analysis works on the parts of government as well as on the political thinking that led to those parts: Kill the Department of Education, screw Social Security, and marry the Armed Forces. The same for political policies: Screw the bailout, marry a balanced budget, and healthcare reform kills you.
He also examines the notion that all freedoms stem from economic freedoms, and that this is a realization that should make us happy. Giving economist Adam Smith credit for spotting the exact cause of the 2008 financial breakdown a whopping 232 years before it happened, O?Rourke illustrates the cyclical nature of the American system, which accounts for the free market?s ability to die ten times in the last century, only to be revitalized, and then die again. Because the free market values capitalism – and the pursuit of happiness – over success, Americans have the freedom to fail. O?Rourke speculates that these failures lead to further innovation, asserting that it likely is not a coincidence that the automobile was invented soon after the bust on speculation of railroad stock offerings. Taking his argument a step further, O?Rourke appeals to believers in evolution and followers of creationism to prove that failure is not only beneficial, but necessary, in order to achieve economic growth. Survival of the fittest fails as a theory if the unfit don?t continue to stick around. After an eternity together, Adam and Eve would likely inhabit a mundane Eden.
P.J. O?Rourke writes with the journalistic eye of one of America?s most celebrated pundits, including personal anecdotes and simultaneously cruel and comedic jabs at our leaders ranging from the signers of the Declaration of Independence to our most recent politicians and businessmen. With such chapters as “The Purgatory of Freedom and the Hell of Politics,? “Where the Right Went Wrong,? and “A Digression on Shouting at Each Other,? DON'T VOTE not only provides comedic relief for those who are frustrated with the current state of our nation, but also shares valuable insight as to how our nation reached the point it has today. Read P. J. O'Rourke on the pathetic nature of politics and laugh through your tears or -- what the hell -- just laugh.
On Politicians
I know politicians. I like politicians. I am friends with politicians from both sides of the aisle. Politicians are great... until they stick their noses into things they don't understand, which is most things.
Then politicians turn into ratchet-jawed purveyors of monkey-doodle and baked wind. They are piddlers upon merit, beggars at the door of accomplishment, thieves of livelihood, envy coddling tax lice applauding themselves for giving away other people's money. They are the lap dogs of the poly sci class, returning to the vomit of collectivism. They are pig herders tending that sow-who-eats-her-young, the welfare state. They are muck-dwelling bottom-feeders growing fat on the worries and disappointments of the electorate. They are the ditch carp in the great river of democracy. And that's what one of their friends says.
On the Benefits of Freedom
Some people cannot enjoy the benefits of freedom without assistance from their fellows. This may be a temporary condition, such as childhood and when I say I can drive home from the bar at 3 A.M. just fine. Or, due to infirmity or affliction, the condition may be permanent. Aid must be given. Assets must be redistributed.
On Avoiding Politics
The best way to have a good political system is to avoid politics. But political disengagement deprives us of opportunities for bitching at politicians and pushing them around. This is occasionally useful and always a pleasure. In our democracy we don?t get in trouble by trying to make politicians mad. We get in trouble by trying to make them like us. Our political system goes to hell when we want it to give us things.« less