Hold On to Your Kids : Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
Author:
Genre: Parenting & Relationships
Book Type: Hardcover
Author:
Genre: Parenting & Relationships
Book Type: Hardcover
Bookfanatic reviewed on
Helpful Score: 2
A book parents should read. We've become a society where the strong bond that once existed between a parent/child (or adult/child) no longer exists in many homes. Our children have become so strongly peer oriented that they take their cues, their values, their attachment needs from peers rather than the adults in their lives.
Children are encouraged from an early age to socialize with peers starting with toddler play dates, preschool, day care, after school activities, etc. It's difficult for parents to remain the primary guiding force in their children's lives. We have such a mobile society that the extended family of loving adults is no longer the norm. Parents need to spend more time with their children, be more loving, accepting and involved in their children's lives.
I love this quote from the book.
"To foster independence, we must first invite dependence; to promote individuation we must provide a sense of belonging and unity; to help the child separate, we must assume the responsibility for keeping the child close. We help a child let go by providing more contact and connection than he himself is seeking. When he asks for a hug, we give him a warmer on than he is giving us. We liberate our children not by making them work for our love but by letting them rest in it. We help a child face the separation involved in going to sleep or going to school by satisfying his need for closeness."
This book raises a lot of issues to think about. It's true we have become a youth obsessed, peer-oriented culture and our children don't look to adults for guidance as in the past perhaps. However, it's also true that it's simply harder to parent today compared to the "good old days." I think there's value in what the authors have to say about the bond between an adult/child, but I would also say that not all parents are loving and able to guide their children. It would be wonderful if parents were as attached to their kids as the authors would like. Unlike the authors, I believe peer friendships can have a positive impact on many children.
This book a good for parents of very young children like me. I'm not so sure that the parent of say a 15 year old would find this as useful.
Children are encouraged from an early age to socialize with peers starting with toddler play dates, preschool, day care, after school activities, etc. It's difficult for parents to remain the primary guiding force in their children's lives. We have such a mobile society that the extended family of loving adults is no longer the norm. Parents need to spend more time with their children, be more loving, accepting and involved in their children's lives.
I love this quote from the book.
"To foster independence, we must first invite dependence; to promote individuation we must provide a sense of belonging and unity; to help the child separate, we must assume the responsibility for keeping the child close. We help a child let go by providing more contact and connection than he himself is seeking. When he asks for a hug, we give him a warmer on than he is giving us. We liberate our children not by making them work for our love but by letting them rest in it. We help a child face the separation involved in going to sleep or going to school by satisfying his need for closeness."
This book raises a lot of issues to think about. It's true we have become a youth obsessed, peer-oriented culture and our children don't look to adults for guidance as in the past perhaps. However, it's also true that it's simply harder to parent today compared to the "good old days." I think there's value in what the authors have to say about the bond between an adult/child, but I would also say that not all parents are loving and able to guide their children. It would be wonderful if parents were as attached to their kids as the authors would like. Unlike the authors, I believe peer friendships can have a positive impact on many children.
This book a good for parents of very young children like me. I'm not so sure that the parent of say a 15 year old would find this as useful.
